It happens to all of us. A situation arises where we feel we deserve an apology…but don’t get it.
Think for a moment about Jesus on the cross. As He was being brutalized and mocked, He still had enough love to say, forgive them…
Luke 23:34 (NKJV)
34 Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”[a]
And they divided His garments and cast lots.
Think about the fact that Jesus offered this forgiveness and love, without an apology. It’s one thing that the Romans crucified Him, but His own people…those closest to Him consented to and called for His death.
One of the most difficult things to do is move forward with people that we feel owe us an apology…especially if they’re someone close to us.
Yes we still have to work with and relate to people who aren’t close to you, but how do you avoid the lack of apology turning into resentment and becoming a wall in your close relationships.
You may find yourself thinking…
“How can they be so content acting like nothing happened…acting as if they didn’t hurt me?
You may have said to yourself…
“If they loved me, they would apologize.”
Yes, it’s not easy, but here are 9 tips to help you move forward in your relationships without an apology…
- BE READY TO FORGIVE IF AND WHEN THEY APOLOGIZE. Sometimes if we’re honest with ourselves, we don’t want an apology…because it takes away our excuse to be angry. If they apologize and you don’t accept it, the burden has shifted from God to you.
- DON’T JUDGE THEIR APOLOGY IF AND WHEN THEY GIVE IT. When they come to you and apologize, don’t judge their apology by saying that they didn’t mean it or it wasn’t sincere. Especially if you didn’t like the tone. Don’t find yourself saying their apology wasn’t good enough. Even if they weren’t sincere…many times when we do what God has told us to do, we ‘don’t feel like it’, but God still honors our faith, effort and obedience. Sometimes when we apologize, we don’t feel like it, but in our heart we want to do what’s right.
- DON’T LET THE ENEMY ‘FLIP-THE-SCRIPT’. Realize that when you remain upset because you haven’t gotten an apology, the enemy has tricked you into not forgiving them for not apologizing to you.
- REALIZE THAT THEY MAY NOT BE AS SPIRITUALLY MATURE AS YOU. Apologizing isn’t easy. It takes spiritual maturity to do so. If you feel they ought to be strong enough to apologize, realize that they might not be as spiritually as you. In fact, the bible tells us the strong must bear the failings of the weak (Romans 15:1 NIV).
- REALIZE WHEN YOU ‘VE GOTTEN SOMETHING BETTER THAN AN APOLOGY. Even if they haven’t apologized, if they have stopped the behavior that hurt you…if they aren’t doing the same thing anymore…if they have clearly moved on as if nothing happened…if they’ve completely turned around, but not apologized, you’ve gotten something better than an apology – you’ve gotten REPENTANCE. Think of all the people who actually apologize to God, but don’t really change.
- FIND A ‘REPLACEMENT THOUGHT’ WHEN YOU THINK OF HOW THEY HURT YOU. Of course you’re going to think of what they did sometimes, which can make you angry all over again, So, when you think of what they did…When they don’t seem to appreciate your kindness…find a replacement thought. Think of the good times…the best times… Think of the sacrifices they’ve made for you…Think of kindness they’ve shown you in the past…Think of the times they made you smile…or, Think of how you’ve hurt someone and regret it.
- REALIZE THAT YOU HAVEN’T APOLOGIZED FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU’VE DONE TO HURT OTHERS. Have you apologized for everything that you’ve done to hurt others? No! Because there are some people you offended and didn’t know you offended them. You can’t apologize for what you don’t know. Sometimes our words hurt, and we didn’t even know it…Sometimes our tone was not taken as we intended…Sometimes we did something hurtful and we didn’t even realize it. Those people are going on without an apology from you.
- PRAY ABOUT IT! Ask the Lord to give you the desire and strength to ‘love through’ the lack of an apology. Ask God to give you a heart that doesn’t NEED an apology to move on. This is another situation where Philippians 4:13 is most powerful…”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Moving on without an apology isn’t easy, but it is possible. This is another situation where Philippians 4:13 is most powerful…
Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
BE BLESSTIFIED!
BE BLESSTIFIED! 
Sure, really good stuff here. Yet, can we see where the Romans and the Jews could have said, “Jesus, we’re sorry we stuck you up on that cross, we were just having a bad day and all.” They didn’t even come up with some stupid bs like that, yet he forgave them anyway. Now then, that is REAL love. The tough part is as you say is that we are to do the same.
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Yes, that is REAL love. It let’s know we have no excuse. It’s not easy, but not impossible.
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Wow, love this, especially number 7. I was just reading this in Matthew this morning. “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
Yikes, I have some apologizing to do. Be blessed. God is in an amazing mood.
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Our God is AWESOME! God ministered to me as I wrote this month’s ago. Thanks for responding and BE BLESSTIFIED!
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I’m blesstified!! Amen and Amen!! Forgiveness or un-forgiveness has featured q a lot in my life. When my oldest daughter -a fragile faith Christian- married an Atheist – I wrote her a stinging letter saying I would never forget what she had done!! That letter became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Why? Cos I literally could NOT FORGET. From morning till night I churned through that letter, every word, every syllable. When we say “We will never forget!” we’re also saying “I’ll never FORGIVE you!” I learnt a hard lesson – if we cannot FORGET we haven’t TRULY forgiven!! Three months later I was given a word of knowledge, went forward, went home, rang Naomi. Asked her for HER forgiveness. Of course dad, came the generous reply. As Christian parents one of the hardest lessons to learn is that, once our children become responsible, WE are NOT responsible for THEIR choices! Any more than they are for ours! Our responsibility is to love them, pray for them, be there for them. Was I right? Yes. Being ‘unequally yoked’ she eventually left church and the LORD… limps on in a loveless marriage. God bless you and Happy New Year!!
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I pray in the Name of Jesus that God softens her husband’s heart so that He can believe. When the Gospel was new, there were most likely many situations when one spouse excepted and the other didn’t. I think 1 Corinthians 7, and 1 Peter 3 confirms this. Yes, it would have been better if she had married a believer, but this is one of those situations when I believe, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” is most powerful. Yes, you did the right thing. I will be praying for you, your family and your daughter’s message. Ok will offer up specific supplications for her marriage this Wednesday as my wife and I will be fasting, praying and interceding over various things. Thanks for sharing. I believe God will grant a spiritual breakthrough in this situation. Please keep me posted and BE BLESSTIFIED!
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Excellent
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Thanks! Have a BLESSTIFIED New Year Kae!!
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🙂
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Great thoughts! Number 7 is excellent.
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Thank you! Have a BLESSTIFIED New Year:-)
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