WHY ‘GROWING APART’ IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR DIVORCE…

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God intends for marriage to be a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, no matter how much our modern society makes and accepts excuses to ‘get out of it’. Especially what we call ‘irreconcilable differences’ or ‘we’re just growing apart’.

Malachi 2:16  (NKJV)

16 “For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”

 Matthew 19:4-8  (NKJV)

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who [a]made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.”They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.


God knows that no matter how much you love one another, that no two people will be the same after 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 plus years of marriage. It’s impossible. Yes, you will grow apart in some areas of your lives. But, that doesn’t have to come between you.


Think about this. If God expected the arranged marriages to last in the bible days, He expects us to stay with the spouse that we choose.

How can we be ministers of reconciliation for God’s Kingdom if we can’t even reconcile the differences in our homes?

2 Corinthians 5:18-19  (NKJV)

18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not [a]imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

In the words of Al Green, “Let’s stay together”

Here are a few more of my articles on Godly Marriage:

THE REAL, BOTTOM-LINE REASON MARRIAGES FAIL…

MARRIAGE: 3 WAYS TO TELL YOU WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER…

WHEN GOD EXPECTS US TO FORGIVE ADULTERY (CHEATING ON GOD)…

IS GOD IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU?

MARRIAGE ADVICE: IT’S YOUR DIFFERENCES THAT MAKE YOU A PERFECT FIT…

Godly Marriage: THE BLESSING IN WHEN YOU’RE NOT ‘IN THE MOOD’ AT THE SAME TIME…

THE HOLINESS OF WELL-TIMED ROMANCE IN MARRIAGE…

Godly Marriage: THE BLESSING IN WHEN YOU’RE NOT ‘IN THE MOOD’ AT THE SAME TIME…

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE…

GODLY MARRIAGE: HOW SEX IS SUBMISSION AND HONOR PERFECTED (Graphic but Holy)…

ONLY ‘GODLY SEX’ IS GOOD SEX…

PROOF THAT GOD DOESN’T FORBID ‘RACE MIXING’, BUT DOES FORBID FAITH MIXING (in case you missed it)…

GODLY MARRIAGE: YOU CAN’T GET ROMANTIC WITH A HYMNAL…

(1) ONE AMAZING, POWERFUL, SIMPLE TIP TO REJUVENATE YOUR MARRIAGE…#30yearsstrong

IF THE ‘BIG O’ WAS TOO BIG (GOD’S WISDOM)…

BE BLESSTIFIED!

HAVE WE MADE OUR QUEENS…KING? #GODLYMARRIAGE

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Anyone who reads my writing knows I love to clarify anything that can be misunderstood or twisted. Anyone who has read my writing or watched any of our #SONdayBlessing videos knows I love, cherish, respect and honor my wife. I consider us to be equals in our marriage and I am fully aware of God telling us in 1 Peter that we are to honor our wives, and not doing so can hinder our prayers…

1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

I am fully aware and happily accept the husband’s responsibility to love our wives as Christ loves the church. This is the sacrificial love that’s is defined in Ephesians…

Ephesians 5:25-29 (NKJV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

That being said, now let us consider what the word of God says in 1 Corinthians Chapter 11…

1 Corinthians 11:8-9 (NKJV)

For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.

I feel that each husband should treat his wife as if she is his QUEEN, and vice versa. However, anyone who believes the bible is the word of God knows what God said before He created woman…

Genesis 2:18 (NKJV)

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

God created man to be the head. But, as my father-in-law Pastor Lonnie Black has said for years…


“God created man to be the head and not the headache.” Pastor Lonnie Black


We live in a society today that more and more behaves as if man was created for woman than woman for man. That the husband is to submit to his wife, rather than woman submit to her husband.

We live in a society today where the husband is expected to ‘answer to his wife’…to go out of his way to make her happy…to work himself to the bone in order to get her whatever she wants…to submit to her when there is a disagreement…that if a woman allows her husband to ‘tell her what to do’ she is being weak. And, that if a husband isn’t giving his wife everything she desires, he is less than a husband.

Television, film, music and especially reality shows and social media support this (Think of all the “HOUSEWIVES” shows…there’s one to target various cultures). It’s art imitating life and art further shaping behavior and the narrative of male/female relationships.


In a sense, we have made our QUEENS…KINGS.


Marriage is not 50/50, it’s 100/100. It’s woman submitting to her husband’s authority in the home and enjoying his covering and protection. But, at the same time, marriage is the husband not abusing his authority, and considering his wife as an equal in all decisions. However, when decisions are made in the home, God will hold the husband (head) accountable…especially in regard to worship being established.

If you haven’t already, step back and take a look at what’s on television, movies and social media. Listen to much of the popular music these days. Listen to many of the conversations. Many people have gone beyond treating wives like QUEENS, to making them KINGS.

Husbands and wives…let’s be good to one another. Let’s love, trust, honor and support one another, but let’s not forget God’s order.

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BE BLESSTIFIED.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE…

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Relationships make our lives richer….better. God created us because He wanted relationship with us.

As our relationships evolve, whether it be marriage, parent/child, siblings or friends…we are also all evolving as individuals.

For example, If you’ve been married any number of years, then neither of you are the same people you were when you first married.

The truth is some things get better, and some things don’t.

There will always be some things, attitudes, behaviors, moods, etc., that you hate about those who you love most….it doesn’t mean you hate them.

In fact, daily living and loving beyond those things is what makes it love.

Think about God…do you think He is always pleased with you?

Are there ways He is still expecting you to change?

Even at our best, we don’t measure up go God’s level of righteousness…

Isaiah 64:6 (NKJV)

 But we are all like an unclean thing,And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, Have taken us away.

It’s only through God’s abundant grace and mercy that we are able to be in His Holy presence.

That’s why His gift of justification is so valuable, and should never be taken for granted. Even though we are unrighteous…through the blood of our Lord Jesus, we are ‘counted as righteous’.

Romans 3:23-25 (NKJV)

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed,

Just as we don’t measure up to God’s standard…We disappoint each other because at times don’t measure up to one another’s expectations…whether reasonable or unreasonable.

Just as we continue to disappoint God in our individual relationships with Him, we will continue to disappoint one another in our relationships with each other.

As years go by, even though we grow to know one another better, there will still be things about each other that ‘drive us up the wall’…things that ‘drive us crazy’.

Think about some things that you hate about those people who are closest to you.

Does it mean that your relationship is flawed?

Well, yes it does…but so is your relationship with God.

But, just as God loves us through our flaws, He expects us to love one another through ours as well.

So, the next time your notice your husband…wife…parent…sister…brother…friend doing something you don’t like…or even hate, after all these years remember…

Theirs something they can’t stand about you, and…

It makes your relationship normal…not over.

Love each other through it, just as God loves you.

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

If this blessed you, please follow my blog…

BE BLESSTIFIED!

 

 

WHY IT’S STILL A SIN EVEN IF YOU WERE, “BORN THAT WAY”…

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Having you ever noticed a child throwing a temper tantrum when he or she doesn’t get something that they want? This is a natural reaction that must be overcome as the child matures. The reaction is natural…innate…the child was born with it.

As you know, the debate continues as to whether people are born gay, or is it a choice. The purpose of this article isn’t to debate that question, but to address this fact…


The truth is that we are all born with innate desires, feelings and proclivities that we did not ask for.


Many Christians reason to excuse some behaviors by saying, “I or they was or were born this way”.

This doesn’t mean that God made a mistake because the scripture clearly reminds us that we were all born in sin…

Psalm 51:5 (NKJV)

 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.


We were all born with desires we didn’t ask for…that doesn’t make them ALL okay. Just because it comes naturally doesn’t make right. Some natural desires we must resist with the help of the Holy Spirit…


Fornication…

Adultery…

Homosexuality…

Gluttony…

Greed…

Jealousy…

Envy…

Wrath …

…ALL come from natural desires and they are ALL EQUALLY wrong.

Even David, a man after God’s own heart was born with an insatiable desire for women…but that did not make it right or acceptable to God. Those who read the bible know what that led to.

Some people are naturally more greedy, more lustful, more promiscuous, more selfish, more aggressive, more violent that others…does that make it okay? For those who wish to argue these are learned behaviors, some people have these behaviors modeled and ‘learn’ them, while others witnessed these behaviors and didn’t succumb to them.

Pedophiles don’t feel they ‘choose’ to be attracted to children…does that make it okay? No!

The desires of our flesh war against our spirit…and these vary from person to person.

Galatians 5:17 (NKJV)

17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.

It is only by walking in the Fruit of the Spirit can we overcome our fleshly desires that displease God.

Galatians 5:16 (NKJV)

 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 

 Galatians 5:22,23

 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.


By the way, calling out something as sin is NOT judging. And, it’s not saying it’s any more wrong than another sin!


 

That’s why fasting is so powerful. It is a tool we can use to bring our flesh into subjection, overcome our weaknesses and prove to ourselves that our desires won’t rule us. It’s our tool to move those mountains in our lives.

Matthew 17: 20-21

 20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. 21 However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting

Use this as post ammunition when someone presents to you the argument, “I was born this way, so it can’t be wrong”.

Just because it’s natural, doesn’t mean it’s okay.

BE BLESSTIFIED.

DOES GOD CONSIDER IT CHEATING WHEN MARRIED ACTORS DO LOVE SCENES?

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It is clear what the bible says about adultery and fornication, it is strictly forbidden. God expects those who are married to forsake all others and be intimate only with one another…

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NKJV)

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 

Most of us also enjoy a good movie, television show or play, and appreciate a great performance from a talented actor or actress. Some of the movies, shows or plays have love scenes. It could range from a kiss…to partially clothed making out…to fully nude, erotic love scenes. I’m not talking about porn, I’m talking about the movies that are accepted and even awarded by the mainstream population.

Sometimes these actors and actresses are not only married, but profess to be Christians. Let me be clear that I AM NOT JUDGING THEIR FAITH OR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, but I do have a challenging question.


IS IT CONSIDERED CHEATING WHEN A MARRIED ACTOR OR ACTRESS DOES A LOVE SCENE?


The kisses are real.

The touching is real.

Sometimes, the nudity is real.

Even if they aren’t having intercourse, they are having sexual contact with someone other than their husband or wife.

If you aren’t an actor, how do feel about your spouse kissing or touching someone else? Most people say “No Way!”. Now, how do you feel about your spouse getting paid to have sexual contact with someone else…again a definite, “No!”

Now here’s the real challenging question for us as Christians. It their intimate contact is considered by God to be sin, does watching it and enjoying it make us partakers with them? Is it shameful for us to talk about the scenes in our daily conversation? Consider this…

Ephesians 5:5-10 (NKJV)

 For this you know,[a] that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit[b] is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), 10 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. 

Does God change the rules just because of our occupation? Does the fact that they are ‘acting’ mean it’s not real contact? And, if God considers it to be wrong, do we share in the sin when we watch, enjoy and share what we watched?


Has this become the ‘accepted’ open relationship?


Think about it. Pray about it. Feel free to reply and tell me what you think.

BE BLESSTIFIED!

 

 

 

 

 

 

JUST BECAUSE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL NEVER BE THE SAME, DOESN’T MEAN IT CAN’T BE BETTER…

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Life can take us down some different and difficult roads. Some roads we choose, and some we don’t. Sometimes CRAZY things is our lives, especially our relationships. We sometimes selfishly, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally do things that hurt others who are in relationship with us…sometimes it’s something we feel we ‘can’t come from’ or ‘can’t get past’.

If this is you, I have good news today. God has given you the power to GET PAST ANYTHING. God has given you the power, that despite what happened, life can be EVEN BETTER.

Now, I don’t want to be insensitive to what you have gone through, I’m just sharing God’s truth. The key is really simple…it’s true forgiveness.


The key to forgiveness is the day we make up our mind, “I don’t WANT that to bother me anymore.”


We sometimes hold on to our pain, resentment, rage, grudge because it can make us feel stronger in regard to a situation that made us feel vulnerable and weak.


Some people don’t forgive because it takes away their excuse to be angry.


This may sound oversimplified, but the key is forgiving someone else is telling yourself, I’m tired of surrendering my peace to this, and I DON’T WANT TO BE ANGRY ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

The power is changing how you think of the situation, renewing your mind as in Romans 12:2…

Romans 12:2 (NKJV)

2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

When this happens, something miraculous happens in your spirit…suddenly thinking of it doesn’t make you feel the same.

Ephesians 4:31.32 let’s us know it’s our responsibility to ” Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. He also told us to be willing to continue to forgive (Matthew 18:21-22).

Matthew 18:21-22

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

God expects us to forgive as He forgives us (Ephesians 4:32)…

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

That’s the awesome power of true forgiveness! Once you truly forgive, you have tapped into God’s power to free yourself from the pain of the situation. God is very clear here and throughout scripture that it’s our responsibility. If it’s our responsibility, then He has given us the power to do it.

I love 2 Peter 1:3 which proclaims…

2 Peter 1:3

3 as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue.

God has given us everything we need to accomplish what He requires of us. So, no matter what happens in your relationships, if you choose to continue those relationships (as God chooses to do when He forgives us), yes things may not ever be he same. Your relationship may not be innocent anymore (as yours with God isn’t), someone may have betrayed you in a way that some say is unforgivable (as we all done with God), someone may have put you to open shame (as we do God) and yes things won’t be THE SAME but when you make up your mind to forgive, and focus on the joy of the relationship and build new memories to replace the old ones, even though THINGS WON’T EVER BE THE SAME, THEY CAN STILL BE BETTER.

BE BLESSTIFIED!!!

 

 

WHY WE SHOULD STOP SAYING, “FORGIVENESS ISN’T FOR THEM, IT’S FOR YOU…”

How many times have you heard someone say…“Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you”? How many times have you said it?

It sounds good in sermons. It makes us sound deep and profound in conversations. It looks good on social media…

But, it’s simply not true and not biblical. It reduces forgiveness to a selfish act.

Think about it. What does God get out of forgiving us? What’s in it for Him. He’s still God. He’s still Holy. He still has all power. He even still has the fellowship of the angels whether He forgives us or not. So, why does He forgive us?


Because when God forgives us, He does it for US and not HIMSELF.


Granting forgiveness is a SELFLESS act that God commands us to do for one another as He does for us. It’s another way we conform to His character and His image.

It’s mutually beneficial…


It releases the FORGIVEN from the guilt of the offense and releases the FORGIVER from the burden of holding on to what leads to bitterness and wrath.


It is the most powerful tool available to us to maintain good relationships because that’s how God maintains His relationship with us…by continually forgiving us.


Don’t make forgiveness a SELFISH act by approaching it carnally as many well-meaning people do by saying it’s for YOU and not the offender.


That perverts the Holy intent of the GIFT of forgiveness. It’s an extension of His grace towards those in relationship with Him. That’s why the enemy tries to trick you into ‘throwing what’s holy to the dogs’.

And yes, forgiveness is a priceless gift. God doesn’t have to forgive us. Think of how good it feels to be truly sorry and have someone not only tell you that you are forgiven, but you can tell in their actions that they mean it. Forgiveness blesses both parties equally…please don’t approach it selfishly or teach others to do so.

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Yes, granting forgiveness is for you too, but it’s for them first.

BE BLESSTIFIED!

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE…

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Relationships make our lives richer….better. God created us because He wanted relationship with us.

As our relationships evolve, whether it be marriage, parent/child, siblings or friends…we are also all evolving as individuals.

For example, If you’ve been married any number of years, then neither of you are the same people you were when you first married.

The truth is some things get better, and some things don’t.

There will always be some things, attitudes, behaviors, moods, etc., that you hate about those who you love most….it doesn’t mean you hate them.

In fact, daily living and loving beyond those things is what makes it love.

Think about God…do you think He is always pleased with you?

Are there ways He is still expecting you to change?

Even at our best, we don’t measure up go God’s level of righteousness…

Isaiah 64:6 (NKJV)

 But we are all like an unclean thing,And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, Have taken us away.

It’s only through God’s abundant grace and mercy that we are able to be in His Holy presence.

That’s why His gift of justification is so valuable, and should never be taken for granted. Even though we are unrighteous…through the blood of our Lord Jesus, we are ‘counted as righteous’.

Romans 3:23-25 (NKJV)

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed,

Just as we don’t measure up to God’s standard…We disappoint each other because at times don’t measure up to one another’s expectations…whether reasonable or unreasonable.

Just as we continue to disappoint God in our individual relationships with Him, we will continue to disappoint one another in our relationships with each other.

As years go by, even though we grow to know one another better, there will still be things about each other that ‘drive us up the wall’…things that ‘drive us crazy’.

Think about some things that you hate about those people who are closest to you.

Does it mean that your relationship is flawed?

Well, yes it does…but so is your relationship with God.

But, just as God loves us through our flaws, He expects us to love one another through ours as well.

So, the next time your notice your husband…wife…parent…sister…brother…friend doing something you don’t like…or even hate, after all these years remember…

Theirs something they can’t stand about you, and…

It makes your relationship normal…not over.

Love each other through it, just as God loves you.

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

If this blessed you, please follow my blog…

BE BLESSTIFIED!

 

 

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE (From my archives)…

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Relationships make our lives richer….better. God created us because He wanted relationship with us.

As our relationships evolve, whether it be marriage, parent/child, siblings or friends…we are also all evolving as individuals.

For example, If you’ve been married any number of years, then neither of you are the same people you were when you first married.

The truth is some things get better, and some things don’t.

There will always be some things, attitudes, behaviors, moods, etc., that you hate about those who you love most….it doesn’t mean you hate them.

In fact, daily living and loving beyond those things is what makes it love.

Think about God…do you think He is always pleased with you?

Are there ways He is still expecting you to change?

Even at our best, we don’t measure up go God’s level of righteousness…

Isaiah 64:6 (NKJV)

 But we are all like an unclean thing,And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, Have taken us away.

It’s only through God’s abundant grace and mercy that we are able to be in His Holy presence.

That’s why His gift of justification is so valuable, and should never be taken for granted. Even though we are unrighteous…through the blood of our Lord Jesus, we are ‘counted as righteous’.

Romans 3:23-25 (NKJV)

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed,

Just as we don’t measure up to God’s standard…We disappoint each other because at times don’t measure up to one another’s expectations…whether reasonable or unreasonable.

Just as we continue to disappoint God in our individual relationships with Him, we will continue to disappoint one another in our relationships with each other.

As years go by, even though we grow to know one another better, there will still be things about each other that ‘drive us up the wall’…things that ‘drive us crazy’.

Think about some things that you hate about those people who are closest to you.

Does it mean that your relationship is flawed?

Well, yes it does…but so is your relationship with God.

But, just as God loves us through our flaws, He expects us to love one another through ours as well.

So, the next time your notice your husband…wife…parent…sister…brother…friend doing something you don’t like…or even hate, after all these years remember…

Theirs something they can’t stand about you, and…

It makes your relationship normal…not over.

Love each other through it, just as God loves you.

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

If this blessed you, please follow my blog…

BE BLESSTIFIED!

 

 

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