One of the most heartbreaking things is to have the adult children that you raised, love, nurtured and sacrificed not to appreciate you…resent you…avoid you…or even rebel against you.

It could be for any number of reasons:

Mistakes you’ve made in raising them (we’ve all made them)…

They have a step-parent that was able to do more for them than you…

The inability to provide some of the things they wanted…

When they feel you have favored siblings over them…

They blame you for their problems or issues…

Your best just wasn’t good enough for them…

Resenting you for disciplining them…

Comparing you to other parents…

You know the reason(s), or you may not know.

It may be your fault, or it may not be your fault.

King David’s son Absalom wanted to kill his father because he wanted his throne (2 Samuel 15), but David never stopped loving his son and mourned greatly for him when he was killed (2 Samuel 18). This rebellion was a part of the consequences of David’s sin (2 Samuel 12:10), but it still didn’t lessen his love for his son. 

How do you deal with the pain of having a child you love so dearly resent you, when there’s nothing you can say or do to change their heart?

How do you have peace?

The answers are really quite simple:

Apologize for any mistakes that you’ve made, then it’s between them and God…

Forgive yourself for your mistakes…

Learn to be at peace when you know that you’ve done your best…


You have to focus on the days when they DID appreciate you. Think back on the days when they were infants…toddlers…small children…the days when they couldn’t get enough of you. Look back on the pictures or videos of those days. Go get that old toy or outfit you may have kept…meditate on those wonderful memories. Those days then were just as real as the present.


Unfortunately, there are some children, adult children, who never come around. David never had his love for Absalom reciprocated after his heart turned against his father. David had to look back on the good memories with his son to sustain him.

That’s one of the reasons God gives us memories…sometimes that’s what we need to sustain us in a troubled present and in situations where there is realistically ‘no hope’ to change the situation (such as after Absalom died).

If you have a child that doesn’t appreciate you…resents you, or even says that they hate you…

Pray for them,

Pray for God to restore your relationship,

Let them know that you are always there for them,

And, hold in your heart the good times to sustain you…because sometimes that’s all you can do.

Remember that God has children that don’t appreciate Him too.


God bless you! I'm a husband, father and ordained Minister since 1996. I serve as an Associate Minister at Oak Spring Church Arlington TN, a suburb of Memphis. I'm a professional Copywriter for a Fortune 500 company, published Gospel songwriter and owner of an independent label, Al-Go-Rhythm Music. My main spiritual gift is Exhortation...I'm a natural encourager. I love the word of God and sharing it from a "Wow, I never thought of it like that before" perspective. There's so much fresh revelation in God's word that is just as relevant today as it was as it unfolded. I hope my daily devotionals enhance your walk with God, taking you beyond BLESSED to BLESSTIFIED.



  2. Pingback: What to do when your Adult Children don’t appreciate you.. | YAHWEH-NISSI

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