Sex in marriage between a man and a woman is a beautiful blessing from the LORD, but it can also be the source of frustration.

One of greatest frustrations is when couples aren’t ‘on the same page’…when they aren’t in the mood at the same time. If this goes on and isn’t handled in the right way it can cause a huge strain on the relationship.

Now, I know there are many reasons why couples clash sexually, but God has revealed something amazing to me through 30 plus years of marriage.

There is a hidden blessing in when they aren’t on the same page that can actually enhance a marriage and sex life.

One of the things that makes dating so fun is the mystery. Some people even step outside their marriage to relive that excitement and mystery…

Do they like me?

Are they attracted to me?

Do they feel the same way I do?

Do they want me?

It leads to real dating. It leads to romancing one another. It leads to seduction.

But, here we go again with God’s hidden, often overlooked wisdom. I believe that He has created us to NOT be in the mood at the same time ALL the time.


After years of marriage, being in the mood at the same time all of the time can become subtly boring. Always getting what you want when you want it sexually can actually become mundane and routine.

When managed correctly, not being on the same page can turn…

Frustration into Fantasy!

Crankiness into Creativity!

Anger into Anticipation!

Rudeness into Romance!

There are unmarried people who, even though it’s wrong, when pursuing sex from someone to whom they are attracted, have waited patiently for months planning…romancing…dating…seducing…trying to impress…doing what it takes PATIENTLY until they finally…

Get it…

Hit it…

Until they finally get their fantasies and passions reciprocated. Sometimes these same people don’t exercise the same level of patience once they are married.

Read the Song of Solomon and notice the level of excitement and anticipation in Godly marriage. Notice how the excitement builds as the bride seeks her love…

Song of Solomon 3:1-5  (NKJV)

3 By night on my bed I sought the one I love;
I sought him, but I did not find him.
“I will rise now,” I said,
“And go about the city;
In the streets and in the squares
I will seek the one I love.”
I sought him, but I did not find him.
The watchmen who go about the city found me;
I said,
“Have you seen the one I love?”

Scarcely had I passed by them,
When I found the one I love.
I held him and would not let him go,
Until I had brought him to the house of my mother,
And into the chamber of her who conceived me.

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
By the gazelles or by the does of the field,
Do not stir up nor awaken love
Until it pleases.

Notice the excitement as Solomon praises his bride…

Song of Solomon 4:1-12  (NKJV)

4 Behold, you are fair, my love!
Behold, you are fair!
You have dove’s eyes behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats,
Going down from Mount Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep
Which have come up from the washing,
Every one of which bears twins,
And none is barren among them.
Your lips are like a strand of scarlet,
And your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
Are like a piece of pomegranate.
Your neck is like the tower of David,
Built for an armory,
On which hang a thousand bucklers,
All shields of mighty men.
Your two breasts are like two fawns,
Twins of a gazelle,
Which feed among the lilies.

Until the day breaks
And the shadows flee away,
I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh
And to the hill of frankincense.

You are all fair, my love,
And there is no spot in you.
Come with me from Lebanon, my spouse,
With me from Lebanon.
Look from the top of Amana,
From the top of Senir and Hermon,
From the lions’ dens,
From the mountains of the leopards.

You have ravished my heart,
My sister, my spouse;
You have ravished my heart
With one look of your eyes,
With one link of your necklace.
10 How fair is your love,
My sister, my spouse!
How much better than wine is your love,
And the scent of your perfumes
Than all spices!
11 Your lips, O my spouse,
Drip as the honeycomb;
Honey and milk are under your tongue;
And the fragrance of your garments
Is like the fragrance of Lebanon.

12 A garden enclosed
Is my sister, my spouse,
A spring shut up,
A fountain sealed.

Discuss this with your spouse.

Admit that you won’t always be on the same page all the time.

Agree to be patient with one another when this occurs.

Pray that God doesn’t allow the devil to have a foothold in your marriage when it happens.

Make the most of those moments by allowing them to create…

Renewed fantasies of one another…

To restore excitement and anticipation…

To bring back the mystery and thrill of the discovery that ‘he or she feels like I do’…’wants me like I want him or her’…’that we are on the same page.’

Because whether it be because of an argument or not being on the same page, we all know how goooooooood it can be after it’s been a while. Can I get an amen:-)








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