Sex in marriage between a man and a woman is a beautiful blessing from the LORD, but it can also be the source of frustration.
One of greatest frustrations is when couples aren’t ‘on the same page’…when they aren’t in the mood at the same time. If this goes on and isn’t handled in the right way it can cause a huge strain on the relationship.
Now, I know there are many reasons why couples clash sexually, but God has revealed something amazing to me through 30 plus years of marriage.
There is a hidden blessing in when they aren’t on the same page that can actually enhance a marriage and sex life.
One of the things that makes dating so fun is the mystery. Some people even step outside their marriage to relive that excitement and mystery…
Having you ever noticed a child throwing a temper tantrum when he or she doesn’t get something that they want? This is a natural reaction that must be overcome as the child matures. The reaction is natural…innate…the child was born with it.
As you know, the debate continues as to whether people are born gay, or is it a choice. The purpose of this article isn’t to debate that question, but to address this fact…
The truth is that we are all born with innate desires, feelings and proclivities that we did not ask for.
Many Christians reason to excuse some behaviors by saying, “I or they was or were born this way”.
This doesn’t mean that God made a mistake because the scripture clearly reminds us that we were all born in sin…
Psalm 51:5 (NKJV)
Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
We were all born with desires we didn’t ask for…that doesn’t make them ALL okay. Just because it comes naturally doesn’t make right. Some natural desires we must resist with the help of the Holy Spirit…
…ALL come from natural desires and they are ALL EQUALLY wrong.
Even David, a man after God’s own heart was born with an insatiable desire for women…but that did not make it right or acceptable to God. Those who read the bible know what that led to.
Some people are naturally more greedy, more lustful, more promiscuous, more selfish, more aggressive, more violent that others…does that make it okay? For those who wish to argue these are learned behaviors, some people have these behaviors modeled and ‘learn’ them, while others witnessed these behaviors and didn’t succumb to them.
Pedophiles don’t feel they ‘choose’ to be attracted to children…does that make it okay? No!
The desires of our flesh war against our spirit…and these vary from person to person.
Galatians 5:17 (NKJV)
17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.
It is only by walking in the Fruit of the Spirit can we overcome our fleshly desires that displease God.
Galatians 5:16 (NKJV)
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
By the way, calling out something as sin is NOT judging. And, it’s not saying it’s any more wrong than another sin!
That’s why fasting is so powerful. It is a tool we can use to bring our flesh into subjection, overcome our weaknesses and prove to ourselves that our desires won’t rule us. It’s our tool to move those mountains in our lives.
Matthew 17: 20-21
20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. 21 However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting
Use this as post ammunition when someone presents to you the argument, “I was born this way, so it can’t be wrong”.
Just because it’s natural, doesn’t mean it’s okay.
When things got tough, uncomfortable or uneasy you acted like you didn’t know Him. Have you comforted yourself in the company of His enemy? Have you ever followed Him from a distance?
Have you denied Him?
Mark 14:54 (NKJV)
54 But Peter followed Him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest. And he sat with the servants and warmed himself at the fire.
John 18:25 (NKJV)
25 Now Simon Peter stood and warmed himself. Therefore they said to him, “You are not also one of His disciples, are you?” He denied it and said, “I am not!”
Are you more like Judas?
Have you ever turned your back on Jesus for money? For influence? To satisfy your flesh? Have you gotten discouraged because things didn’t turn out as you thought they would. Have you ever put your motives above God’s motives? Have you ever put Him to open shame?
Have you betrayed Him?
John 12:4-6 (NKJV)
4 But one of His disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, who would betray Him, said, 5 “Why was this fragrant oil not sold for three hundred denarii[a] and given to the poor?” 6 This he said, not that he cared for the poor, but because he was a thief, and had the money box; and he used to take what was put in it.
Matthew 26:14-17 (NKJV)
14 Then one of the twelve, called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests 15 and said, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver Him to you?” And they counted out to him thirty pieces of silver. 16 So from that time he sought opportunity to betray Him. 17 Now on the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying to Him, “Where do You want us to prepare for You to eat the Passover?”
Before we point a self-righteous finger at Peter or Judas, let us thank God for His grace and mercy because we have all been both of them.
Every time we yielded to our pride…our lust…temptation…
Every time we put others or ourselves before Him…
Every time we willingly lived contrary to His word…
Every time we influenced someone else to sin…
We have both denied and betrayed Him.
When we read about Peter denying Christ or Judas betraying Him, we are looking into a spiritual mirror.
Both were sorry for what they had done, but they both handled it differently.
Who are you more like?
Judas tried to return the money and was so grieved in His Spirit that he hung himself. He could have gotten on His knees and prayed for forgiveness. He could have rejoined the other eleven, admitted his mistake, and tell them he tried to return the money and been there when Jesus arose and ministered to them. They couldn’t have condemned him too much because they all scattered. Don’t you know that Jesus not only would have forgiven him, but commanded that his brother forgive him also? But, no. He hung himself in shame. If you have betrayed Him and not repented – you’re like Judas.
Matthew 27:3-10 (NKJV)
3 Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, 4 saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.”
And they said, “What is that to us? You see to it!”
5 Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.
6 But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, “It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood.” 7 And they consulted together and bought with them the potter’s field, to bury strangers in. 8 Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.
9 Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, “And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, 10 and gave them for the potter’s field, as the Lord directed me.”[a]
After Peter denied Jesus, he rejoined the other eleven. He ran to the grave to find that Jesus wasn’t there. He saw Thomas put his fingers in the wounds. He ate a seaside breakfast with the risen savior. And, Jesus restored Him to become one of His most powerful apostles. Judas could have done the same thing. If you have messed up, repented and been restored – you’re like Peter.
John 21:15-17 (NKJV)
15 So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah,[a] do you love Me more than these?”
He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.”
He said to him, “Feed My lambs.”
16 He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah,[b] do you love Me?”
He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.”
He said to him, “Tend My sheep.”
17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah,[c] do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?”
And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.”
Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep.
Judas’ story ended in disgrace – Peters ended in grace.
So, even though we have all been like both, our stories don’t have to end like both.